Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
