The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
two words...techno handjob
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
