yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
