YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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