I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
did i walk over a car last night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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