Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
