So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
