swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
