i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize