I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
