My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize