it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
