I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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