never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
