I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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