Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
