i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you never un-have a 4some
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
