CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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