I am in a vortex of obligation.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
