Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
