Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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