three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
