This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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