HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your face is a jimmy john
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
