so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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