I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
