now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Small penises have feelings too.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
