Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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