smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
