Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
