Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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