Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Farmville is her only friend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have fence marks all over my body
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
