I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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