i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
vagina is talking i cant
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
