Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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