We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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