i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
