dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
