I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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