Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
love makes seman taste better
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
