I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
