I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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