fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
