I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
