So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
