his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Vodka?
Forever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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