i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
