We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
