Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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