Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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