that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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