Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
