she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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