they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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