The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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