This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
