Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
