I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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